The not so new boy
by schizophrenicgirl1
Summary: set roughly around series 7 episode 23 when josh has a problem with drugs. josh's world is spiralling out of control, but will the appearance of a certain someone help bring him back to reality, or will it make things worse? Summary sucks, much better inside I hope! please review! pretty please! rated T for a boy/boy relationship and kissing in later chapters.
1. Why?

Summary – This is set after series 7 episode 24. josh's world is spiralling out of control, but will the appearance of a certain someone help bring him back to reality, or will it make things worse.

**Bit of a bizarre chapter, but I needed something to lead into the next chapter, sorry if it's a bit odd. I hope my portrayal of josh is okay, the voices (laughter) are the onset of the schizophrenia (the tv episodes were a bit vague with his symptoms so I've gone off mine)but it will make more of an appearance in a few chapters, b/c there is other stuff that needs to happen before. Hope you enjoy it! :) **

**p.s – I HATE AUTO CORRECT! BUT I LOVE REVIEWS!**

"Josh" a small voice broke through the thick haze.

"Josh" there it was again, it was familiar but it didn't quite register

"Josh, are you listening?" why wouldn't they just leave him alone?!

"JOSH" it said again, but this time it registered; it was Miss Boston and she was good…wasn't she?

I was vaguely aware of her dragging me somewhere by the scruff of my neck, muttering things that I didn't understand.

"The laughing, make it stop miss, please make it stop" I cried, grasping my head. "please just make it stop"

**Miss Boston's P.O.V**

"Please, just make it stop" josh pleaded frantically.

I had found him zoned out in the common room, he had obviously been on drugs and was stoned.

I was now dragging him through the corridor by the scruff of his neck, I had never seen him like this. He had sworn he had stopped the drugs, grady was in jail so where did he get them from? Luckily the corridors where empty, and so were the changing rooms, which was a good thing really, this way he would spare himself the humiliation.

"Get under" I said harshly as I shoved his head under the showers, letting the cold water shock his body out of this doped-up state. I was disappointed in him, he had sworn to me and Tom that he would stop and I had believed him.

"you sober yet?" I say to Josh, but when I take a closer look I notice that something is off about him, he is sobbing and clutching his head, seeming genuinely distressed.

"How much of that stuff did you take josh?" I ask him, slightly concerned

"I…i…I don't know" he moaned "I can't remember miss, honest"

I looked at him, eyebrows raised before nodding, convinced he was telling the truth

We sat there for a good 20 minutes, just looking at each other in silence. A million words were said, but none were spoken. Finally he moved, slowly getting up he brushed down his now dry clothes and grabbed his bag

"can I go now miss?" he asks, I take a look at him; his eyes had cleared, and apart from being soaked he looked fine, so I said yes.

"Miss, you won't tell my dad will you?" he asked warily

"Josh, you know I have to" I said, no matter how much I wanted to keep it between us, tom had a right to know.

"Please miss, he'll kill me" he pleaded, "I'll get off the drugs, for real this time…I'll do anything miss"

"Anything?" I ask, desperately wanting to help, I knew exactly how tom would react and I couldn't help feeling sorry for the boy.

"Yes miss, anything!" He said, a glimmer of hope in his voice

"Right, I won't tell your dad" I say in my don't-mess-with-me voice "But, you are in lunchtime detention for a week"

"thanks miss" he says, a smile on his face

"That's not all josh, there's a new boy arriving tomorrow, I want you to show him around. Make him feel welcome, stick with him or the next few days." I pause for breath, letting it sink in "And, If I hear that you have put so much as a toe out of line then I'll tell your dad without a moment's hesitation." I say sternly "we all clear?"

"Yes miss" josh says, almost running out the door just as the bell went

**Josh's P.O.V**

The laughter had gone…for now, but it would be back, I was sure of that

"Where've you been joshy-boy?" Finn Sharkey said, draping his arms over mine and Lauren's shoulders in a friendly sort of way.

"Nowhere, just fell asleep that's all"

"What, in the boys changing rooms?" finn said sceptically

"No, I just went to get dried off, I dropped a glass of water over myself" I bluff quickly

"Me and Lauren were just going to get something to eat…you coming mate"

"nah, I'm off to see dad, I want him to check my essay over."

"Your loss mate, see you later then"

"Yeah, bye" I say as they walk down the corridor towards the canteen, I go in the opposite direction, towards my dad's classroom. When I get there I notice it's empty, that means he's in the staffroom.

As I walk upstairs and head for the staffroom I think about where everything went wrong, where my life went careering off the rails. I can't quite pinpoint the moment my life got crazy, maybe I had always been a messed-up kid. I got my fair share of rumours too, the worst of which came when I came out as gay; for a couple of days I had felt like i should just go, move away, start again. But when I got finn back everything picked up; not that fancy him, just cos I'm gay doesn't mean I fancy every bloke I see.

I realised I had arrived outside the staff room door, suddenly it opened

"This is the staffroom, for staff only. Now run along" the all-to familiar voice of Grantly Budgeon; world's worst teacher said

"Actually I'm here to see my dad, is he in there?" I say

He stuck his head round the staffroom door

"Tom, there is a teenage delinquent wanting to see you"

"Tell them to come back afterschool, I've got a tonne of paperwork to do" my dad shouted back

I pushed past and entered the staffroom.

"Josh, I thought you'd be with finn" He said, looking up from a mountain of paper and files

"Yeah, about that." I say, not sure how to put it "I've been put in detention for a week by Nikki" I realised my mistake "I mean Miss Boston"

Dad grabbed me by the arm and pulled me out of the room with him and into an empty classroom

"Please tell me you're not on the drugs again" he said frantically

"relax dad, I fell asleep in the common room and she found me. I came to ask you for your opinion on my essay, I need to hand it in by next period."

"Josh, I can't, I'm your teacher, it'd be unfair" he said, relief on his face

"Yeah, but lauren's dad checked her's, please"

"Fine, but don't tell the boss" he said, sighing as he grabbed my essay from me

"thanks dad, you're the best" I said as I sat down on one of the desks and got my phone out. 1 new message.

**Hey, Is this Josh? **

**Jack **

I quickly open a new message and reply

_Yeah, it's me, josh. Wuu2?_

**Hi! I had so much fun yesterday, we should meet up again sometime**

_Yeah, I'd like that. When are you free?_

**My dad's out tomorrow, you could come round then. I bet I'll beat you this time!**

_Great, I'll tell dad._

**Cool, see you then**

"dad, can I go to Jack's tomorrow?"

"weren't you there yesterday?" he said suspiciously

"Yeah but that's besides the point… can I go?" I say, it was a simple enough question

"You don't, you know..." he gestured blindly with his hands

"No, I don't fancy him if that's what you mean. We're just mates! Chill" dad still wasn't used to me being gay, but he was fine with it.

"I'm sorry josh but not tomorrow, you're grounded for a week"

"Why? I didn't do anything! This is so unfair!" I protested

"You were put in detention!"

"I bet you never grounded chlo, or mika!"

"Here, I've checked it through, now there's a sandwich in the staffroom fridge. Go and get it, the canteen will have closed now, but be quick, the bell will go soon" dad handed the paper over to me and I reluctantly went out the door and back to the staffroom.

I went though the door and saw the room was empty, so I headed for the fridge

"Er, what do you think you are doing?" a completely unfamiliar teacher said, coming through the door.

"My dad told me to get a sandwich out of the fridge" I said, and started to step forward but the teacher blocked the path

"And who exactly are you?"

"Josh Stevenson miss" I said confused, almost everyone in the staffroom knows about me; the boy who's mum stole his dad's sperm, the boy who tried to kiss his best friend, the boy who turned out gay, the boy who does drugs. "My dad's Tom Clarkson"

"This may be my first day, but I'm not stupid boy. With me, we're off to the head." She said, walking towards the door and I reluctantly followed her

"But miss, that's just stupid, ask anyone!" I protest as I'm pushed into 's office "This is stupid!"

Mr Byrne looked up from his desk

"Josh? It's not often I get a visit from you. What's going on?"

"Michael, I found this boy in the staffroom, he was about to trash it but I got there first" the new teacher declared proudly

"josh, is this true?" he asked

"No, for god's sake, she's lying!" I feel like laughing with the sheer stupidity of the whole situation…I only went for a sandwich

"are you accusing her of lying?" he said seriously

Suddenly the door burst open, I felt relief wash over me as my dad walked in.

"What's going on?" dad said

"She's accusing me of trying to trash the staffroom" I said to him, frustration in my voice

"Well why else would he be there?" she said

"I went to get a sandwich" I said, glad to finally get a say

"Then why make those stories up about this so called 'Mr Clarkson'?"

I laugh and point at my dad "That's Mr Clarkson!"

The look on her face was hilarious

"So he's really your son?" she said, she looked mortified

"Yes, josh is my son, why?" dad looked confused

"It seems there has been a bit of a misunderstanding, josh, you can go to lessons now, the bell will ring in a few minutes" Mr Byrne said, gesturing towards the door

"Thanks sir"

"Josh, hang on a sec" dad put his hand in his pocket and withdrew a chocolate bar, which he then threw at me.

"Thanks" I say half-heartedly as I walked out the door. A melted chocolate bar…yum.

xxx the next day xxx

"JOSH! Have you seen my car keys?!" dad said as he dashed around the house, doing his belt up on the way.

"they're on the sofa!" I shout back

"Have you seen my shoe?" I sigh, he really was a scatterbrain

"On the kitchen table"

"You want a lift?"

"Yeah, thanks"

"Shut up!" I say irritably, but they won't go, they refuse to leave me alone.

"Josh, hurry up!" dad shouts from door.

"Coming!"

Xxx

"Today we are going to be doing about the atomic structure, so pay attention" Mr mead says, writing the objective on the board alongside the title and the date.

"Excuse me Mr Mead, can I borrow josh?" Miss Boston said, he head poking around the door "Bring your stuff josh" she added

I slowly pack my stuff away, wondering why she was taking me out of class.

"Ah, josh, the new boy is up in the common room, I think he once went to the school, but things have changed since he was here. If you could just stick with him, remember our agreement."

"Sure miss"

I followed her up to the common room, pondering over who it could be; Wondering if I knew him, or if I'd never seen him before.

She pushed open the door and I saw him immediately. My heart dropped, old wounds re-opening, all these feelings ripped through me, feelings I haven't felt for ages, and it scared me. Of all the people, why did it have to be him?

"Josh, this is the new boy, Nate Gurney."

**What will josh do? What did Nate do to make josh feel like that? **

**Update soon…REVIEW PLEASE PEEPS!**


	2. I love you

**Two chapters in one day! Wow, I'm impressed with myself! But don't get used to it, I've got some time off school for stress and once I go back it'll be like one update every 4 months! (Well, maybe a little bit of over exaggeration there!)**

**Please review, I like reviews! and followers! thank you Harrypottermad1, you are officially my first follower!**

**A/N – who's your favourite character from Waterloo road? I've got loads, but my main favourite's are Josh (I might fancy him a bit….okay, a lot!) and Brett Aspinal.**

**Enjoy! 3**

I stared at him is disbelief; how could he do this?

"Josh" He begins, but I cut him off

"How could you?" I spit

"Let me explain" he begged

"NO, YOU JUST DISAPPEARED!" I shout, loosing it "you were there one day, then gone the next! I thought we were good together, I thought you loved me!" I turn on my heel and walk off in the opposite direction, my heart breaking all over again.

"Josh, wait!" Nate shouted after me, but I ignored him; he had just gone; disappeared from the face of the earth. I had loved him, and I still do, but I had moved on and now he comes back and ruins everything…again.

"Josh? What's wrong?"

Without realising it I had gone to my dad's room, I must have wanted someone familiar to talk to.

"He's back dad" I say, my voice thick with barely-concealed tears "He's back"

"Who josh?" my dad says as he steers me inside and shuts the door "Who's back, tell me josh"

I sit on one of the desks, my mind felt numb, as if none of this was happening.

"Nate" I said, breaking down and letting all the emotion go

Dad stares at me in disbelief

"I can't do this again; not now" my voice cracks mid sentence

"oh josh, come here son" he says, holding his arm out. I accept the comforting arm, at this moment I don't care what anybody else thinks. With my dad's arm around me I felt like a little kid all over again, but in a nice, safe way.

But then the door bursts open, and Miss Boston walked in

"Tom, I need a wor-" she stopped when she saw me; I sat up instantly

"Will you be okay?" he asked me, I nodded my head weakly "Stay here"

He went out of the room and closed the door behind him, but I could still see them through the windows

Xxx

Tom's P.O.V

"I'm really sorry tom, I think this is all my fault" Nikki said worriedly

"How is this your fault?" I ask, glancing back at josh

"I was only trying to help by not telling you, he didn't want me to. Don't get mad" she continued "I found josh in the common room; he was stoned tom. I managed to sober him up but I put him in detention, and said he needed to help the new student out"

"Wait, what?!" I almost shout "You knew josh was back n drugs and you didn't think to tell me?" I was fuming, with both her and josh. But deep down I knew that this wasn't the right time to tell him off; he was vulnerable right now and he needed support.

"He begged me not to tom, I couldn't betray his trust like that" she explained

"oh, but you'd betray mine!" I tried to calm myself down "So how is this your fault"

"I asked him to show the new student around; I'm still not entirely sure what happened, apart from that josh ran off" she looked confused

"Please don't say it was Nate" I said, though I already knew the answer

"Yeah it was, why?"

"No wonder josh is so upset" I say, sighing

"Is there something I'm missing here?" Nikki asks me

"Yeah, Nate was Josh's Boyfriend until he vanished from the school without a trace" I explain to her vaguely

"How long did it last? I mean, was it serious?"

"About a year more or less, so pretty serious, yeah" I said sadly "Josh was heartbroken, but he's just started to move on and look for someone else"

"I'm so sorry tom, I had no idea josh knew him; all I knew was that he had come to this school before" she looked at josh through the window. He was sat on the desk with his head in his hands, his shoulders shaking; a sure sign he was crying

"If you'd have read his file you would have seen it" I put my hand on the door handle "Besides, it's not me you should be saying sorry to"

XxxX

Nate's P.O.V

I knew this would happen, I knew josh would blame me for leaving. Truth was, dad just couldn't handle me being gay, me being with josh. He insisted it was just a phase that I'd grow out of and all I needed was a fresh start.

No I'd blown it; the boy I loved hated me. For all I know he already had another boyfriend. All I know is that I have to find josh, at least explain it to him so he doesn't think I chose to leave.

"What are you doing back here?" a familiar voice said in disgust, I turned around to see Finn sharkey and Lauren Andrews; josh's best mates.

"Have you any idea what you did to josh?" Lauren spoke to me as if I was vermin

I push past them and try to think where josh might be.

My brother, my _perfect_ brother would have handled this so much better, he would have had the right words to explain, and he wouldn't have just stood there and watched the boy he loved walk away from him. Well, girl in Aaron's case.

Think, think. Where would he be?

There was the common room, he liked spending time in there but it'd be too noisy, josh would want somewhere quieter.

Then there were the loos, or the gym, or the changing rooms. But they weren't really josh.

That's it! His dad's classroom! It would be empty now because of lunch, it would be peaceful. But there is a chance Mr Clarkson would be there, a chance I'm willing to take.

I turned around and headed back up the stairs, I could barely remember the way to Mr Clarkson's class anymore. Was it left or right? I decided it was left and carried on down that corridor, taking twists and turn until I spotted the familiar door.

I peered in through the window and saw Mr Clarkson with his arm around a dark shape which I guessed was josh.

Maybe I should do this another time, I'll just go home and come again tomorrow.

No. I told myself, Nate Gurney, you are going to open that door and do what you came here for.

I raised my shaking knuckles and breathed in deeply. I knocked feebly on the door

Knock knock knock

Mr Clarkson looked over and saw it was me, I saw him lean over and mutter something to josh before getting up and walking over to me.

He shut the door behind him.

"What are you doing here?" He said, his face hardening "Don't you think you've caused enough trouble already?"

"Mr Clarkson, please, I need to talk to josh, to explain" I begged, I needed to tell him

"Explain what? Why you just went away, dropped off the face of the earth?" he demands "Josh was heartbroken, a total mess"

What, does he think I just decided to go? Forgot all about josh? Get real.

"What, and I wasn't? I loved him just as much as he loved me you know" I say, a lump in my throat

"Then why go? Why not text him?"

"I'd rather tell josh first, but believe me Mr Clarkson. I had just as much choice in the matter as he did." I say as I pushed past him to enter the room, leaving him to figure out what I meant.

As the door shut silently behind me, I looked at josh, who had his back to me

"Josh, just hear me out" I ask desperately "Please"

Silence, no answer. I decided that was a good sign so I went ahead.

"I know you must be angry with me" I start warily, still staying near the door

"Too right I am! You just left me, I thought you cared about me" his voice was thick with emotion

I walked over to him so I was standing in his line of vision

"I did" I say, looking into those sweet green eyes "I still do"

He looks away "Then why leave? Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't know! I came home on the last day of term and he told me to go to the car. I had no idea what was happening until we were half way to Wales." I try to explain to him why I had just vanished

"Wales" he said, managing a weak smile "You hate Wales"

"I tried to come back, I tried to contact you"

"Why didn't you text me? Or ring or something?" he asked, still doubting me

"Dad took my phone, and deleted everyone's numbers. I wanted to, but I couldn't" the lump in my throat was rising, I'd made such a mess of things.

"Why did he take you? Was it because of me?" Josh continued looking at the floor

"He couldn't handle me being gay, he thought it was still just a phase, and that a new start would do me good." I say, ashamed of my father "he hated the fact I was with you, he was ashamed of me, he hated me because I'm not Aaron." I felt a tear slip down my face at the thought of my dead brother, of the broken promise I'd made to him.

"So why now, why come back after all this time?" a fresh set of tears rolled down his beautiful face

"I ran away, I've been staying in b&b's. I just had to wait until I had enough money to leave." I admitted "you want to know why I came back?"

He just looked at me, as if he already knew what I was going to say

"I came back for you. I love you so much josh, and now I've gone and blown it. You hate me, I wouldn't blame you if you never wanted to see me again" I said, choking on the last words "I've messed this up like I mess everything up. I love you josh"

There, now I was the one crying. I buried my head in my hands and squeezed my eyes shut, all the feeling, all the emotions of the past few months coming out.

And then I was aware of an arm on my shoulder, of someone pulling me close. I felt shaking, and realised that he was crying too, I leaned in harder and breathed in the familiar scent of josh, the one person who had never judged me, or hated me he had accepted me, and loved me. And I loved him back.

Xxx

Josh's P.O.V

"I've messed this up like I mess everything up. I love you josh" nate said before he gave in and cried, deep, heart-wrenching sobs that tugged on my heartstrings.

Deep down I had known there would be a reason, but it didn't make it any easier. I don't know what I feel, I definitely still love him, but what his father did had hurt me, and that was something I wasn't going to forget easily.

But in that moment I had made up my mind.

I put my arm around Nate and pulled him into my chest, gripping him tightly, not daring to believe he was really here. Before I knew it I was crying again too, this day was filled with so much emotion, some of it good and some of it bad

"I let you go once Nate gurney" I say thickly through my tears "I'm not going to make the same mistake twice"

"I love you josh Stevenson" he told me, his voice muffled by my jumper

"I love you too Nate Gurney"

As I hold onto him, I realise that I never want to let him go.

**Awww, Josh loves Nate! I can't keep them angry at each other for long!**

**Review please! I want to know I'm not just talking to myself (which I do a lot actually!)**


	3. Love, Life and drugs

**Is the length of my chapters too long? Because I was looking at other fics and I saw the chapter were a lot shorter. Personally I like long chapters, but just say if you don't and I'll make them shorter.**

**Chapter three is here! You lucky, lucky people!**

**A/N – I hate anchovies! Does anyone else hate them? Yucky!**

**Thanks to HarryPotterMad1 for beign my first reviewer, and to WaterlooRoadJoshFan(Fab name) and Christinaemerald for reviewing too!**

Tom's P.O.V

Walking back from the staff room, I ponder over what nate had said about having 'just as much choice in the matter as josh did'. Does that mean Nate didn't know about leaving? It seems like something his dad would do, he was convinced josh was behind Nate being gay; maybe he thought if he took Nate away then it would go away.

As I round the corner to my classroom, this is where josh goes when he needs to be alone, or to talk. Whatever I was expecting, it wasn't this; Nate was cradled into josh's chest, and josh's chin was resting on Nate's head. Both seemed to be crying, but comforting the other at the same time.

It was quite sweet to watch, but I was shocked they'd made up so quickly, what could Nate have possibly said that would change josh's mind? I was in a sense glad that Nate was back; josh still loved him, and it was obvious for everyone to see. Nate was a good lad, with a difficult family life, he needed someone he could confide in and if that person was josh, then so be it.

Unfortunately I had a class to prepare for, so I had to interrupt the happy (well, crying, but still) couple.

I tried to be as quiet as I could when I opened the door, but when I shut it the wind caught it and it shut with a slam, causing both boys to jump.

"Dad" Josh said "Nate's got something to tell you"

And that was how I found out about everything. How Nate had been taken by his father, how he had run away, how he was now practically sleeping rough. As I looked at him, wrapped up in my son's arms I realised how vulnerable he looked, how vulnerable they both looked. And before I knew it I had blurted it out

"You could stay at ours you know Nate"

"You serious dad? He can really stay!?" Josh asked, surprised by my statement

"No, I've caused enough trouble Mr Clarkson." He said quietly

"Don't be stupid, we can't have you out on the streets Nate. Especially after everything you've gone through to get back to Josh"

"Nate, please" Josh pleaded

"Are you sure Mr Clarkson?" Nate asked, not daring to believe it

"Well, if you two are back together then it's only fair I take you in." I say, re-assuring myself I was doing the right thing. Besides, it was similar to what I did with Donte, even if he was already married to Chlo. "I'll just clear it with Mr Byrne"

"Thanks dad" josh said as he leapt up and hugged me "You're the best"

Xxx

Josh's P.O.V

I couldn't believe dad just said that Nate could stay with us. I know I was mad at him before, but now all I know is that I love him and I want to be with him again. The thing that made all the difference was the fact I now knew it wasn't his choice, and that he had been ripped from me the same way I was ripped from him.

"So is that what we're saying?" Nate asked warily, hope in his voice "That we're together again?"

"Yeah, I guess we are." I say as I slip my hand into his "Nate Gurney, my boyfriend" I add as I sigh happily.

Just then the school bell rang, forcing us to move from our comfortable positions and go to class

"Who do you have first?" Nate asked me as he checked his new timetable

"Budgeon, what about you?" I say as I grab his hand

"Same, what a way to welcome me back" he complains. I stop suddenly

"I've got a little welcome back present for you" I say as he turns to face me

"Oh yeah? And what would that be?" he teases

"This" I say as I lean in a press a delicate kiss onto his lips, it has been far too long since I last felt his soft lips on mine. Nate leaned in further and kissed me harder, one hand holding mine, and the other fiddling with the hair on the nape of my neck.

It felt like I was floating.

"Josh Stevenson, would you let go of that boy long enough to get inside my classroom" Mr Budgeon said loudly, I was suddenly aware that the whole class was watching through the windows.

I pulled back from Nate, grinning like a looney and we walked hand-in-hand into the classroom

Xxx

Finn's P.O.V

Outside the classroom josh and nate were standing there, kissing. How could josh have forgiven him so easily? I mean, I know he was pretty cut up about him leaving, and Lauren said he still loved Nate. But after everything Nate put Josh through, there must have been an amazing reason for it if josh was going to forgive him so quickly.

As they walked into the classroom together they sat down at the desk in front of me, I couldn't help feeling happy for josh that he had someone. I mean, I had Trudi and I think Josh got lonely. When he wasn't doped-up anyway. Him and his stupid drug problem, I had warned him Grady was trouble but he had ignored me.

But at least Grady was locked-up now, so josh had no-one to get the drugs off, which was much easier for him.

"Who's that boy sitting next to josh?" Trudi asks me, I realised that she never knew Nate Gurney

"Nate Gurney" I tell her, smiling "Him and Josh went out for around a year before he left; it seems they're back together again now"

She looks at Josh, who was poking Nate with a pencil instead of doing his work, and smiled at them

"Aww, that's so sweet." She declares, she has always had a soft spot for josh "Besides, he could do with some support, what with the drugs and everything" she adds

"Yeah" I mutter as I turn my head back to my work.

Not long after the bell goes

Xxxx

Josh's P.O.V

My head keeps spinning, it's horrible. Dad say's its just withdrawal symptoms from the drugs, but I sure hope it stops soon, its doing my head in.

"Josh, are you okay?" Nate asks me

"You're not stoned again mate?" Finn said from behind me, I could have killed him right then, I hadn't told Nate about the drugs yet

"What?" Nate said, looking at me with a shocked expression on his face

"No Finn, I told you. I'm off the drugs now" I say as I sigh wearily, I know he's just looking out for me but it gets pretty annoying sometimes. "Haven't had a spliff for a week now" I add proudly

"Aw, well done mate" Finn slapped his hand down on my shoulder like he usually does "I'm proud of you"

"Thanks mate"

"Josh" Nate started, but I cut him off

"I'll tell you later Nate"

"So, whatcha doing back here queenie?" Finn asks playfully

"I ran away" Nate replies matter-of-factly "been sleeping rough"

"Ran away from where? Up the street?" Finn laughed

"From Wales actually" Nate said smugly

"What, and you did that all to get back to joshy-boy?"

"Yeah actually, I did" Nate said as he turned to smile at me and gave me a quick peck on the lips

"Urgh, get a room lover boys" Finn joked in mock disgust

"I think it's sweet" Trudi smiled and looked up at fin affectionately

"Thanks Trudi" I say, putting emphasis on the word 'thanks'. I suddenly realise that Nate has never met her "Nate, this is Trudi, Finn's girlfriend" I gesture towards her "And Trudi, this is Nate, my boyfriend"

Nate held out his hand "Nice to meet you Trudi"

Trudi shook it gently "Nice to meet you too"

Xxx

Tom's P.O.V

Knock Knock Knock

"Come in" came Michael Byrne's reply

I pushed the door open and shut it quietly behind me

"Ahh, tom. I've been meaning to talk to you" he said awkwardly "About the new student, Nate Gurney. I heard he had a…err…history with Josh"

"Yeah, they did. Unfortunately Josh and Nate found each other before you managed to talk to me, but luckily they made up." I say, kinda annoyed I wasn't informed before "Teenage love eh? They couldn't stay mad once they found out the reasons"

"Yes, quite" Michael agreed "so, Tom. What did you come to see me about?"

"Well, I came to ask you about Nate actually" I tell him briskly

"Go on" Michael prompted

"He's been sleeping rough, y'know, on the streets. Josh asked me if he could come and stay with us" I shift my weight slightly to the left "I'm fine with it, but I wanted to make sure it was okay with you, what with me being his teacher"

Michael looks at me sceptically

"Are you sure this would work, I mean, what if his father found him? I read about what he did before"

"Well, seeing as he's Josh's boyfriend, I can hardly leave him out on the streets"

"That's another thing, two testosterone filled boys. You don't want them rushing into anything." Michael says seriously

But I had thought about that, I had taken the same risk when I had allowed Chlo and Donte to live together under my roof

"Josh has boundaries, and besides, it's not the first time Nate has stayed over at ours" I reply

"Well, if you think it'll be fine then it's fine by me." Michael sighs "I trust your judgement Tom"

"Thanks Michael, Josh'll be delighted"

I turn around and walk out of his office door, leaving him in peace.

When I glance at my watch, I get a shock when I see the time. 3:53, Josh and Nate will be waiting for me to take them back

I bump into Grantley on the way down

"Been to see Michael have we?"

"Err, yeah" I say absentmindedly "Nate gurney is going to be living with Me and Josh"

"You seem to be making a habit of taking in other people's kids"

"What do you mean by that?" I ask indignantly

"Chlo and Mika grainger, Donte charles, Josh…"

"Hold on a minute" I say, cutting him off "I loved Chloe and mika as if they were my own, and Josh isn't somebody else's kid, he's mine"

Grantley made his version of a laugh **(That sort of snorty hmm thing he does! Anyone know what I mean?) **and walked off to the staffroom, to retrieve his suff no doubt.

Xxx

Josh's P.O.V

We had been wating for ages, stood by dad's car, when Nate brought up the earlier conversation

"Josh, what did Finn mean. About the drugs" he fiddled with his tie

"It's nothing, I was in a bad place, that's all." I say, ashamed of what had happened

"Josh, I told you everything about what happened to me, why won't you do the same?" he says sadly

"Everything just got too much; school, home, you leaving. I just wanted to forget" I admit to him

"So drugs are the answer then?" He looks at me, almost as if he's disappointed in what I did

"No, they just made it go away." I try to make him understand "Look, I'm not proud of what I did, but it's in the past now. Can we just leave it at that?"

"Yeah, I guess" he says after what seems like forever.

We lean in to kiss each other, I breathe in the scent of Nate

"Right, I'm ready to go then"

I roll my eyes, dad always barges in just as we're about to kiss. But it doesn't matter, I thought to myself happily, Nate's coming to live with us. We've got all the time in the world.

**Whooooooo! Another chapter! In the next chapter the schizophrenia will rear it's ugly head. I'm kinda basing it loosely around the TV plot. So the fire alarm thing will happen, and so will the plague pit, but it will be different and won't have the things leading into it (ie: josh being fire warden b/c of the drugs). **

**Thank you for the reviews! **

**Reviews = Me Happy!**

**No Reviews = Me sad! And no more story :( very bad thing!**


	4. Fire

**so here's the 4th chapter! i might not be able to post tomorrow but if i can't then i'll post the next day (My 15th birthday!)**_  
_

*****This chapter contains some speech from the actual TV series; i do not own them, all rights go to the BBC*****

**keep on reading, keep on reviewing!**

* * *

_He's waking up_

_God, why is he so stupid?_

_I wish he was dead_

_Stupid, stupid_

I bolted up in bed, looking around to see who said it, but the only person there was Nate, curled up on the mattress on the floor. Dad had put it there until he ordered a new bed for Nate. Naturally, he refused to let us share one so Nate ended up on the floor. At least, that's what dad thought!

I looked at the clock…7:45, we were late! Jumping out of bed, I kicked Nate in his back and threw his uniform on top of him.

"Get dressed" I told his lifeless form "I know you're awake Nate" I kicked him again for good luck

"ghhgmph" came the response

"What was that? Didn't quite catch it" I say as I yank back his covers to reveal His gorgeous body. He had no shirt on, but he was wearing boxers that looked like they were days old "Urgh, do you ever get changed?" I ask him in mock disgust

"Go away Josh"

"No, you've got to get up" I grab his arm and yank him up, he rubs his eyes sleepily "Come on sleeping beauty"

"No" he says, turning back to his bed

"I'll give you a good morning kiss!" I bargain

He sighs, and looks at me "You're too good."

"I know" I reply as I lean in and kiss him, ruffling his bedhead with my other hand.

"Morning bo-" dad comes barging into my room, before freezing as he saw us kissing; neither of us dressed yet.

I pull away

"Have you ever heard of knocking?" I say to his shocked face "We were only kissing, chill. I bet you saw Chlo and Donte do it loads"

He snaps out of his trance-like state

"That's different, they were married" dad says, acting all saint-like

"Ooh, look at you. Going all catholic on us now" I tease "But seriously dad, go. Please"

"I came to ask if you wanted a lift." He said as Nate grabbed his shirt from his makeshift bed

"Yeah, thanks dad" I smile as I steer him out of the door "But I need to get changed"

"Be ready in 10 minutes" dad shouted as I shut the door on him.

I turned to look at Nate, before chuckling. He had done his buttons up wrong

"Come here" I instructed him "You've done your buttons up wrong" I explain as I start undoing them, revealing his perfect milky-white flesh underneath.

"Does your dad deliberately come in, or is it just and unfortunate coincidence?" Nate asks as he shudders slightly as my cool fingers brush accidentally past his skin.

"An unfortunate accident I think" I continued to do up his buttons properly "there" I say standing back "All done"

I grab my own shirt off the end of my bed and pull it on, hastily buttoning it up and slipping on my trousers.

"Here's your jumper" I say throwing the grey garment over to him before putting on my own black cardigan, the one with the grey edges that Nate used to like.

"Thanks, have you seen my tie?"

"It's where you left it" I say absentmindedly, grabbing my comb I try to tame my unruly curls

"And that is?"

"On the floor next to my bed" he crouched down and looked around "Not that side, the other side!" I say in exasperation.

"Josh! Nate! I'm leaving!" Dad shouts from downstairs

"Coming!" I shout back, grabbing Nate, who was still doing up his tie, and pulling him downstairs with me

xxx

It was Form Time and Dad was doing the register, making sure we were all there. The rest of us were chatting aimlessly; Lauren kept going on about this boob-job she still wanted to get and Finn was tickling Trudi slyly

"Josh" he called out, but ticking my name before he got a reply; of course I was here, he had driven me and Nate himself

"Finn"

"No sir" came Finn's reply

"Ale-"

He was cut off by the sound of the fire alarm. Suddenly I was unable to connect my thoughts properly, as if a sheet of fog had been lowered down into my brain

_Get out, you need to get out!_

_God, why are you so stupid!_

_Run! RUN!_

I felt a compelling urge to do what they said, as if I had to run or something terrible would happen

I jumped up out of my chair, but suddenly saw no-one else was moving

"Why aren't you moving?" I ask, bewildered "shouldn't we go outside or something"

"Chill mate, it's probably just a drill" Finn said as he continued to tickle Trudi.

Just then Miss Boston came bursting into the classroom

"What are you doing?" she said to dad "It's not a drill"

_See, it's real!_

_Run you stupid boy, run_

_Why don't you just let yourself die?_

I got up and bolted out of the door and down the hall, heading as fast as I could to the main doors; my only thought was to get out.

Soon we were all stood in the playground, a chorus of pointless chatter and exited giggling circulated around the group

"SILENCE" Mr Byrne shouted loudly, successfully gaining the attention of the group "Do any of you have any idea how long it took for you to vacate the building?"

"38 seconds" Kyle Stack joked, a bout of laughter from the other pupils followed

"Anyone else?" Mr Byrne shouts again

"5 minutes" Lauren proposed seriously

"Nowhere even close" Mr Byrne said as he walked up and down "It took you twelve and a half minutes, and that is NOT good enough"

Someone sniggered "Oh, you think it's funny do you?" He asked rhetorically "If that was a serious fire, some of you would have been dead"

"We need to get this time down to three minutes" Miss Boston said seriously

"So, I will assign two student fire wardens for each year group. The names will be drawn out of a hat" Mr Byrne said as Dad appeared with two hats in his hands.

"Because this is the year 12 and 13 assembly point, there will only be four wardens here" Dad said loudly, to make sure everyone could hear

"Okay, so first up is year 12." Dad said as he picked two bits of paper out of the first hat "Zoe Evan's and Liam Hardy"

A small girl with blonde hair stepped towards Miss Boston, closely followed by a tall, lanky, spotty boy.

"Okay, year thirteen" Dad picked out two names from the second hat "Kyle stack and Josh Stevenson"

"Unlucky mate" Finn laughed, his arm lazily wrapped around Trudi

I groan and walk forwards to where Nikki, oops, I mean Miss Boston, is standing.

"Don't look so thrilled Josh" she chuckles at my less-than-happy expression.

"You four go with Miss Boston" Mr Byrne indicates towards us "And the rest of you back to class"

Xxx

"So here's a map of the fire exits, extinguishers and alarms" Miss Boston said as she handed us each a Map. "Try to remember them please"

"But there's loads Miss, how are we meant to remember them all?" I say, getting a bit panicky at the thought I might not remember any of them.

"It's okay josh, just try" Miss Boston said reassuringly "And I don't want any of you to worry about the test this afternoon; just try to get everyone out in under 3 minutes"

I combed my hands through my hair, worrying about the drill later on

_Come on josh, remember them_

_Go on, you have to remember them_

_Something bad is going to happen josh_

_You've got to stop it_

"Right, you can go now" Miss Boston told us all "go back to class"

I started to leave but Miss Boston grabbed my shoulder

"Are you okay josh?" She asked me "You seem a bit on edge"

"Yeah" I say absentmindedly

"Look, I'm sorry about Nate" she said awkwardly "I didn't know"

"It's fine miss, if anything, I should be thanking you" I smile properly "You got us back together"

"I'm glad josh, maybe he'll help you focus on the positives. Stop you slipping back"

"Yeah" I smile half-heartedly "But I'm off the drugs now miss"

"I know, you better be going back to class now though" she placed a comforting hand on my shoulder before nodding to the door.

"k, see you miss"

I walk across the hall, my shoes squeaking against the newly-cleaned floor. Someone coughed loudly; I looked up and saw Nate leaning against the door

"You waited?" I said, surprised; he would be at least 20 minutes late to his lesson, and all because he wanted to wait for me

"Of course" he replied, as if it were obvious

"You're so sweet" I say as I give him a quick peck o the cheek

"And so are you" he told me as we set off down the corridor, unaware that Miss Boston was watching us, smiling

* * *

XxxX Later that day XxxX

Finn's P.O.V

Josh seemed really on edge, I mean he looked really jumpy and was taking this whole fire-warden thing way to seriously

"Are you okay mate?" I ask him, concern clear in my voice "Should I get your dad?"

He barely even looked up from his list of Fire Assembly Points

"Yeah" He replied vaguely, not really listening to what I was saying

"You sure?" I wasn't convinced by his feeble answer

"Yes" He said sharply "look, I said I'm okay. Just leave it will you"

"Chill Mate, I was only asking" I say, holding my hands up in mock surrender

"Yeah, well don't"

"Finn and Josh, will you please pay attention?" Mrs Diamond said sharply "Have you been listening to anything I've said?"

Neither of us answer

"Right, so the electrons in the metal are exited to higher energy levels by the heat, ad the colour can be used to identify the elements" she said as she sprayed a liquid into the flame, which turned bright orange.

Josh jumped back, a startled expression on his face. I laughed at his reaction

"So, what metal produces this colour?" She asked the class before picking someone to answer the question "Josh?"

Josh just sat there, looking confused. He didn't answer, which was odd as he was better than me at science, and eve I knew that

"okay, Trudi?" she asks

"Sodium"

"Very good" Mrs Diamond praised

"Mate, even I would have go that" I say to josh, but not meaning any offence "Kyle Stack would have got that" I joked, but then I saw his face; he looked really down.

"And how do we refer to the specific wavelengths of light produced?" She asks "Finn?"

"The atomic emission spectrum" I answered, though I kept sneaking worried glances at Josh; he just wasn't himself. I made a mental note to tell Mr Clarkson

"So, number two" she said as she sprayed another one into the flame, this time it was bright red

Josh jumped back considerably more this time

"What you doing?" he burst out angrily "You're gonna set the fire alarm off"

Woah, now he was acting really strange, was this some kind of a joke?

"Calm down you big girl" I joked, trying to pretend everything was normal, the whole class laughed at him

"No, put it out" He insisted loudly, something really wasn't right with him; maybe it was drugs again

"Moving on" Mrs Diamond said, gaining back control of the class

I patted him on the shoulder, this was really unlike josh, and I had known him for years. He seemed scared of something

While Miss was writing down the homework, josh kept looking at him watch worriedly

"You waiting for a bus?" I ask him, but knowing he wasn't. he looked away, avoiding anyone's gaze "What's with all the clock watching?"

"It's nothing" He says briskly

Suddenly the loud unmistakeable noise of the fire alarm went off. josh, alongside everyone else in the room, got up from his chair

"Right everyone, josh is the fire warden so do what he says" Mrs Diamond instructs

Josh just stood there

"Go on mate, tell us where to go" I joke, pushing him gently

He just looked around the room, flustered. He was definitely not himself; he was very jittery, kept bouncing up and down on his toes

"There's a fire exit just over there" Trudi said helpfully, pointing to the exit

"Josh?" I ask, but he just bolts from the room

* * *

Xxx

Josh's P.O.V

_Smash the alarm!_

_Go on, you have to do it!_

_You have to set them all off josh_

I followed their advice and ran from the room; I couldn't think properly, I couldn't function. My legs were carrying themselves forward, I was trapped in my body, somebody else was telling it what to do.

"josh, what's going on mate" Finn shouted, following me from the room

_Ignore him! IGNORE HIM!_

The voices screamed; so I did. But I don't think I could speak even if I wanted to; I wasn't in control, the voices were.

_Now smash it, smash the alarm!_

What was I doing? Why was I doing this? I paused momentarily before doing as the voices commanded and smashing the fire alarm repeatedly; I was suddenly aware of a sharp searing pain shooting up my left hand.

Finn grabbed me by the shoulders and I struggled to get free; why doesn't he understand? I have to get free, I _have_ to do it! I couldn't think straight, I couldn't breathe right; my whole life had turned into one big mess. I needed to get free.

I must have got blood on his shirt before I managed to wrestle my way free.

What was happening to me?

**Remember! Reviews please!**


	5. katie

**Alrighty! Chapter 5 coming right up!**

**WARINING! *This chapter is kinda upsetting at the end! It made me cry***

**But you've got to read it b/c then you would get confused in the next chapter!**

**Hope you enjoy it! And Don't forget to review**

**It's my birthday tomorrow so I may or may not post…sorry!**

"Alright, everybody line up!" Mr Byrne shouted to all the kids hurrying to their tutors. I was three short; Trudi, Josh and Finn

"Sir!" Finn shouted, I whirled around and saw him, his right shoulder covered in blood

"What happened to you?" I say, stunned

Finn shifted under my gaze

"It's not mine"

Oh no, not another stupid fight with kyle stack. I was about to tell him off when he made the shock revelation

"It's josh's" he said quickly "But there was nothing I could do, he was being really odd"

I was shocked, and my first reaction was that he was back on the drugs. He better not be; if he is then he's going back to his mother's. He was on his last chance

"Where is he now Finn?" I asked him, worry in my voice

"I don't know. He just ran off. I didn't know what to do"

Xxxx

Nate's P.O.V

I ran straight towards the school, bursting through one of the already open fire exits. I had overheard Finn talking to Tom and right now my only priority was to find josh, to make sure he was okay.

"Nate!" Tom shouted "Nate, get back here!" I heard the sound of his footsteps chasing after me but I was already inside, and following the trail of josh's blood. I hated the fact he was hurt, but from what Finn had said, he was acting weird too and that worried me; I can't help that I care deeply about him

"Josh" I call, frantically searching the deserted classrooms; bags and coats were strew everywhere, pens rolled on the desks from where they had been dropped in the hurry to get out. "Josh!"

In the distance I can hear Miss Boston shouting the same thing, Tom and her were obviously trying to find him too, but I was determined to get there before them; I needed to find out what had happened; I needed to find my boyfriend

"Josh! Please!" I say, my voice catching on the please

Just then I notice a trail of blood on the banister of the stairs; it must be Josh's, he must have gone this way.

My heart skipped a little as I thought I was one step closer to finding him; one step closer to making sure he was safe.

"Josh, are you up here" I say softly as I reach the top of the stairs. In one direction was Mr Byrne's office and the other was the common room, and a set of classrooms, including his dad's. Well he wouldn't go to Mr Byrne's office, so it must be left.

"Josh" I keep calling out as I spot another drop of blood; this time in the direction of the common room. I follow it eagerly, the frantic worry in my head compelling me forward swiftly, though I stop in front of the door and peer in, not wanting to shock him.

I push softly on the door and slip gently into the room

"Josh?" I whisper quietly to the seemingly empty room.

Silence

I was about to open the door to go back out when I heard somebody sniff. I whipped my head around and that was when I saw it, a black shoe poking around the corner of a unit type thing. I had to stop myself from running at him, instead taking it slow, not wanting to startle him. As I turned the corner I saw his face was screwed up, and hot tears were running down his perfect cheeks.

"oh josh" I say as I lower myself to sit next to him "Come here" I put my arm around him, hugging him to my chest; my other hand gently inspects his bloodied hand

"Why's it all gone wrong Nate?" he sobs "What's wrong with me?" he looks up at me with frightened green eyes.

"I don't know josh, I don't know" I say, not very reassuring. Tom and Miss Boston would be arriving here soon, it hadn't taken me long to follow josh's trail.

We sit there for what seems like forever, trapped in a little bubble of time, and the only people that matter are me and josh. My lovely josh

Xxx

Tom's P.O.V

What on earth was Nate thinking? What if this had been a real fire?

Was he truly that in love with josh, that he'd endanger his own life?!

I'd followed the blood trail upstairs, and then I'd immediately gone to look in my room; josh liked to go there when it was empty, it was somewhere quiet for him to think. He wasn't there though; I racked my brains to see where he might have gone. But my head was filled with too many emotions; how could I have let this slip through my radar? I had known Josh was acting odd, even Nikki had said that, I mean my first instinct was that Josh was back on the drugs, but now that I think about it, it seems unlikely. I'm sure hitting fire alarms when they are already going wasn't a sign of drug use, and Josh didn't look stoned.

I decided to try the common room because it's the only other place I could think of; Josh went there to relax, like many other of the school's kids.

When I reach the door I notice the blood on the handle, why hadn't I notices this before? God, emotions made you so unobservant.

"Josh" I say as I notice Nikki coming up behind me "Josh, are you in here son?"

"Tom" Nikki says as she points towards a black shoe poking out from behind a cabinet

"Will you get the first aid kit?" I ask her, I'd rather go in alone

"Of course" she says, placing a sympathetic hand on my shoulder before heading in the direction of the head's office; the nearest first aid kit.

I take a deep breath, preparing myself before I entered the room.

Enough delaying, time to face up to things; josh was my son and I had a duty of care towards him.

"Josh" I say into the room, directing my speech to the shoe. I rush into the room and all-but run towards him.

I had a feeling he would have beaten me to it, but it was still a shock

I crouched down in front of my son

"Josh" I say, touching his arm gently

"Dad" he says, almost relieved I had come. He pulled away from Nate and practically threw himself into my arms like a child would do. "Why has it all gone wrong? What's going on with me?"

"I don't know son" I say as I pat him on the back "But we'll find out, I promise"

When I saw the state his hand was in, I grabbed a towel off the side and wrapped it securely around his hand to try and stem the bleeding.

"Nate, will you got tell Miss Boston to meet us in the Pastoral Care office, and then get back to your class" I tell him; he had been great, but I wanted to talk to josh in private; this was more of a family matter really.

"Yes sir, but you will tell me if he has to go to hospital?" He asks worriedly; I suppose me and Josh were his family now. Besides, for the whole year he and josh were going out, he only went home to sleep! Mind you, I wouldn't blame him. I wouldn't want to stay at home if my father was a crazy lunatic either.

"Of course I will Nate, you know you're practically family" I told him kindly as I encouraged Josh to get up. "Come on son, that's it"

When I look back up, Nate has just left the room in search of Miss Boston.

I gently guide josh (who was much more composed now; but he had hidden his emotions behind a sort of mask) down the corridor and left, before leading him into the Pastoral care room and sitting him down on a chair.

"What's going on josh?" I asked him; he must have taken something, this wasn't normal behaviour "Come on, tell me" Still I got no response "whatever it is, I need to know! You know you can always talk to me josh, right?"

Still there was silence.

Then Nikki arrived, first aid box held at the ready.

"Okay, lets have a look at this" she said as she gently unwrapped and examined Josh's injured hand

"Well, you've been lucky here" She said finally, opening up the box and pouring a sterile saline solution over the cut, flushing out any harmful bacteria "I think you've avoided stitches"

She dipped a cotton bud in some Iodine solution and dabbed that around the cut too, killing off any bacteria that the saline had missed. Then, when she was quite certain the area was covered, on went the sterile gauze, and a bandage over the top; just to keep the bugs out and the wound covered.

"There, how does that feel?" She asked Josh

"Great miss, much better now" he replied, but no emotion in his voice

"great" she said as she packed up the First aid kit again "Erm Tom, can I have a word?" she said as she reached the door

"Sure" I replied, unsure what it could be about

"Thanks" she said, leading me into her classroom

I immediately went over and perched on one of the desks

"So, what's all this about?" I asked her curiously

Xxx

Nikki's P.O.V

I needed to make Tom understand, I needed him to do what I never had. I couldn't see another child suffer because a parent refused to believe the facts

"How does josh seem to you?" I decide to approach the subject carefully

"Fine" He lied; men and their stupid pride

"Tom, that was a blatant lie and we both know it" I told him sharply; I was not in the mood to be lied to. Especially not when I knew what was at stake

"He's had a shock; it's been a long day. That's all" he said, but this time I detected denial; tom just didn't want to face up to the facts.

"It's not normal behaviour tom" I say carefully, but still insistent. "He needs to see your GP"

Immediately I saw the barriers go up around him

"I think I know my own son" He said, his expression stormy "Leave it to people who know what they're talking about" he got up from the desk her was leaning against, and headed for the door

"Tom, please" I say, my voice desperate "Don't make the same mistak-"

Those words had blurted out of my mouth before I could stop them, I mentally kicked myself, but it had stopped Tom in his tracks.

"Don't make what? He demanded, turning around to see my panic stricken face.

No, this can't be happening; I came here to get away, make a fresh start. I can't tell him, but I have to. It's the only way I'll get him to listen to what I'm saying, the only way to get help for Josh.

"Tell me Nikki" Tom demanded again

I take a deep, shaky breath

"Don't make the same mistake I did" my voice catches at the end, and I feel the anguish rip through me. I couldn't even think of her anymore, it was too painful.

Tom just stand there for a minute, watching me.

"What do you mean by that?" He asks me softly

I'll have to tell him now. I'll have to tell him about the daughter I failed so badly to protect.

I walk over to my desk and search around in my handbag and withdrew the pretty silver frame, stroking my fingers around the edge.

The girl in the picture stares up at me, excitement in her wide blue eyes, a great big smile on her oval face; her lovely chocolate brown curls were moving in the summer's breeze, sunlight beating down on her face, giving her pale complexion an olive glow. Grasped in her hand was a tiny green Lizard; she always had loved animals

I remember taking that photo, I remember that day as if it were yesterday

"_Mum! Mum! Look at this!" Katie cried out as she spotted a lizard_

"_Let me look!" Her cousin Alice shouted, running over to join them "Awww, cool!" she said in awe_

_We were on holiday in Greece with my Sister Grace and her kids Alice and Bethany. It was the last day of the holiday and the kids were making the most of the sun._

"_Hey mum! Take a photo, please! I want to show my friends back at school" Katie pleaded_

"_Okay princess" I said, ruffling her hair_

"_Hey! I'm not a baby!" she protested_

"_You'll always be my baby" I laugh as I grab her, giving her a kiss on the head._

"_Awww, mum! Stop being so soppy!" she wriggled free of my grasp "Now take the photo" she demanded happily_

"_Okay chicken" I say, using another nickname she so dearly hates "smile for the camera!"_

"_Cheese" she grins, holding the little green lizard, a huge smile on her face._

It brings a tear to my eye as I remember over that day; little did I know that this would be the last holiday she would ever go on.

I hand the picture over to Tom

"Who is it?" He asked me

"Her name was Katie" I tell him "She was fifteen" I push back the tears that were threatening to emerge

"Was?" he asks gently

"That photo was taken on holiday. 3 months before she died" I sit down on my chair, another flashback

_I was in A+E, I had just arrived after getting a call from my neighbour; Katie had been found, collapsed. A nurse walked up to me, her face blank_

"_Miss Boston, would you like to come with me?" she said kindly _

_I followed her into a small room, out of the way of everybody else. _

"_Where's Katie?" I demanded "Is she okay"_

_The nurse just looked at me with an unreadable expression_

"_I think you'd better sit down"_

_Oh god, this wasn't happening; this only happened in movies. I knew what was going to happen, yet I refused to believe it_

_I sat down, numb to the world. The nurse sat down across from me_

"_Miss Boston, I'm so sorry to tell you this, but I'm afraid Katie died in Resus a few minutes ago." _

"_No!" I cried out, pain ripping through my soul "Katie can't be gone"_

_The nurse puts a comforting hand on my arm, as if it would help take the pain away._

_I hear words like 'overdose' and 'depression' but I can't focus on them; I can't focus on anybody._

"_She was only fifteen" I cry out, anguish and despair thick in my voice "Fifteen! She was a child, I should have protected her!" I sob, distantly aware of someone placing their arm around my shoulders and hugging me gently_

_Anguish ripped through my body, tearing my heart apart bit-by-bit; where was the point in existing if I had no katie? She meant the world to me, I cant live without her; she was my baby, and I had failed her!_

"I'm so sorry" tom said sincerely "Did you know her well?"

God, men can be so ignorant. Of course I bloody knew her! She was the most precious thing in my life!

"She was my daughter" I say flatly

"Oh Nikki" he said walking over to me and wrapping a comforting arm around my shoulder.

This brought on another flashback; I was tiered of remembering; tiered of the pain it brought

_I walked with the nurse towards Resus. Back through the waiting room, full of children sitting with their mothers; mothers who would take them home tonight, tuck them into their beds. But I wouldn't take my daughter home tonight; I'd never take my daughter home again. She was a child! Children weren't meant to die, they were meant to grow up, have kids, and get old. Things Katie would never have a chance to do_

"_Are you sure you're ready?" the nurse asked me, putting a comforting arm around my shoulders_

_I take a deep breath in_

"_Yes" I tell her thickly; the lump quickly rising again in my throat, the pain and anguish still shredding me from the inside._

"_okay, I'll give you some time alone" the nurse says as she opens the door to Resus_

_I walk through, and immediately I see her_

_Her beautiful brown curls were fanned out around her face, her eyes were shut and her perfect pink lips were open wide, a breathing tube had been shoved down her delicate little throat in an effort to save her._

_But despite that she still looked beautiful, my sweet little girl_

_I went over to her lifeless body and held her cold hand; as if somehow it would bring her back to life_

"_I'm sorry Katie" I whisper, silent tears sliding down my face and dripping onto our entwined hands "I'm sorry I couldn't protect you"_

_I brush away a strand of her soft hair and kiss her forehead gently. A mother's love for her child was the greatest thing on earth, but also the worst. The feelings I felt now were horrible and strong; my little baby was dead, I would never hear her perfect voice. Never hear her say that she loves me, never argue over boyfriends again. She would never see her 16th birthday, or her 18th. Never go to Uni, or get married. _

_I would never comfort her as she cries over teen crushes, and countless other things that would come along over the years. _

"_I'm so sorry baby, I love you so much. You know that right?" I tell her, the tears were streaming down my face now "I don't know how I can live without you sweetheart" I admit, would this feeling ever get any better? "But you knew I loved you didn't you? You didn't die alone baby. I was with you" I sob "In here" I say, touching her heart with my hand "I can't live without you baby; I love you too much"_

_Why did god do this to me? To her? She was 15, a baby, she had done nothing wrong. What had I done to deserve this? Why had god punished me so hard? He had taken away the one thing I would die without…my daughter_

"_I love you, so much more than words can ever say" I tell her, kissing her head again_

_My baby, my angel. _

_always perfect; even in death._

As the pain shot though me, I remembered why I tried so hard to forget; the memories were to painful to bear.

"She was 15, and the most amazing girl you could ever have wished to meet. But not log after that holiday she started to act different; strange. She was more withdrawn, and negative. I dismissed it, I thought it was just normal teenage behaviour. Her teachers, they asked if something was wrong, they showed me her work and told me about her behaviour but I denied it." I say, overwhelmed by the emotions I tried so hard to suppress "I failed her tom! I failed my daughter and now she's dead" I sob, my heart breaking all over again "She was depressed, and I ignored it! I was scared to push her away, I thought it was all normal. I should have noticed, I should have taken her to see someone but I didn't!" I tell him hysterically

"it wasn't your fault Nikki, you couldn't have done anything" Tom said soothingly

"But I could have! She killed herself tom, she overdosed. If I had taken her to a doctor then it would have been under control." I tell him quietly, I had failed to protect my own child from the harsh realities of the world, and now she was dead

"So what are you saying? That I should take Josh to the doctors? That something is wrong with him?" Tom says, the old denial creeping back into his voice

"I don't know tom! All I know is that I was like you; I refused to acknowledge something was wrong. And maybe if I had, maybe if I had taken her to the doctors then she would still be here now." I tell him truthfully "There is no-one to blame but myself"

I take the picture back from him and gently trace the outline of my little girl's face, my little girl, who was, until a few months ago laughing happily at my jokes, and complaining when her favourite show was cancelled.

**4 months **

That was how long it had been since she had died. And I couldn't bear the thought of tomorrow, because tomorrow was the 5 month anniversary of Katie's death. My lovely girl who would be sixteen in 3 months time is dead, and lying in her silver coffin, lined with pink silk 6 feet under. We had buried her with her mobile because she had loved it, an album of photo's of her with us, her teddy from when she was younger; a floppy dog called pooch and my favourite picture of me and her together. The photo was from the same holiday as the one I kept in my bag; but this time we were on the beach, and she was asleep in my arms; a smile on her sleeping face.

I loved that one, but I couldn't bear to look at it anymore, it reminded me too much of seeing her, lying there dead in the hospital. Too may bad memories.

"Five months" I say out loud "That's how long she's been gone, it's the 5 month mark tomorrow" I say it as if I were talking about pregnancy, or the age of an infant "that night, when I got back from the hospital, I went home to a childless house. I saw her things lying where she had left them; her schoolbag by the door, her cup on the side, her duvet thrown back from where she had gotten up in a rush. I went into her room and cried, clutching her sleep shirt for comfort." I tell him in between sobs "I'd do anything to have her back tom, you can't make the same mistake I did. Take him to the doctors…please"

I look up at him, pleading with my eyes

"I will" he promises, hugging me close "I will"

Katie, I love you. I hope you're up there somewhere, proud of what I'm doing. I love you so much, and I can't bear it without you. I don't know how long I can last. I say this to her in my head, before I just break down and cry, held tightly in Tom's arms.

**Seriously guys, writing this chapter had me crying! Stupid hormones an all…but it was a sad chapter. It needed to be written though, it was my take on why Nikki cared about Josh so much.**

**Remember Review! =) **


	6. Depends

**Sorry about the massive gap, I was hospitalized for 2 months :( My twin Sophie put a note on my facebook, Tumblr and twitter but she forgot about FF. Everything is back under control now though so I will try to update when possible.**

**Enjoy!**

**Ellie x**

"So you take one of these 2 times a day, the Risperdal 3 times a day with food and the cyclizine once in the morning to help with the side effects." The doctor told me as he scribbled down the prescriptions and handed them to my dad. "You'll also have to see the psychiatrist regularly Josh, it's important"

Dad patted me on the shoulder "Don't worry, he will. I'll make sure of that. Thanks for your time"

I stood up and gave the doctor a stiff nod of my head; I didn't want to be here, I would rather be home now with Nate, I didn't need pills or psychiatrists, I just needed everyone to leave me alone. Everyone was always in my face, always asking me questions. Dad opened the door for me and I gladly left the stuffy doctor's office. Outside the office was a large waiting area, I quickly scanned the room and swiftly located him, his blonde hair falling slightly in his eyes making him look even more adorable than he already was. A slight smile crossed my face and I went over to him, he looked up from the leaflet he was reading half-heartedly.

"Hey" he said softly, not wanting to disturb the quiet stillness of the waiting room. I looked behind me and seeing that dad was still in the doctor's office, I sat down on the empty chair next to Nate, wedging myself in between him and a slightly overweight woman.

"Hey" I answered him back, leaning closer to him and breathing in the smell of his skin; to me it was like the sweetest perfume. Soppy but true. "What you reading?"

I craned my neck over his shoulder to try and see what it was,

STI's and Staying Safe. The front cover had a picture of a giant condom and the birth control pill

"You trying to tell me something?" I asked, half joking but a part of me was asking seriously, and I think he knew that.

"Depends" He turned his head to look at me, his eyes are always so gentle, never harsh.

"On what?"

"On you" he says, slipping his hand into mine.

I didn't know what to make of Nate's hint, I know he wants to go further and take the next step, I do too, it's just that I'm slightly scared. What if I mess up? Or do something wrong? I know it would be the first time for both of us, but the idea has been on my mid recently and I know it definitely was before he left. The amount of times we came close, yet we always got disrupted. Always.

"Well, I don't think we'll be needing that" I said lightly, pointing to the picture of the contraceptive pill. Nate smiled and gave a funny little laugh; he was in a strange mood, it was the anniversary of Aaron's death next week and he was being strangely quiet about it.

"Nah, can't say we'll need it, no chance of _that_ happening" he patted my stomach playfully with his free hand; the other was still clasped in mine. I slunk down in my chair and leant my head against Nate's shoulder, suddenly feeling sleepy.

This earned us a disgusted look from the old man sat opposite us; he obviously was still stuck in the dark ages when it comes to gays.

"Josh, Nate" Dad called from across the room and we got up, following him all the way to the car with our hands held, not caring if it looked 'girly' or 'soft'.

XxxX

Tom's P.O.V

Schizophrenia, that's what the psychiatrist had said, the doctor only backed up the diagnosis. I'd kept it to myself, I hadn't told Josh yet, I mean how could I? Looking over at them I could see them sat together, Josh leaning into Nate ever so slightly as they did their homework, constant banter being exchanged between them.

How could he have it? He looked like any normal teenager would while with their boyfriend.

I can't even begin to get my head around it, one day I'd have to tell him, I can't just give him pills and expect him to take them with no explanation. He has a right to know.

"So, do you two have any plans for tonight?" I asked them once they'd finished their work; Josh may be in his first year of sixth form but he still has to do his homework to a decent standard, and unfortunately having a teacher as a parent means that homework is done at a set time each night and is then checked by me. It's essential that they both get their A levels and leave school qualified.

"Er we were just going to hang out upstairs" Josh said awkwardly "Play video games or something"

"Fine, I get the hint." I held my hands up in mock surrender "Hanging around with your old man isn't cool anymore. No, It's fine, I'm going out anyway"

"Oh yeah, with who?"

"Just with Michael"

"We turning you gay now as well Mr C?" Nate teased as he dragged Josh up from the sofa and led him towards the door.

Josh smiled as he and Nate left the room, seconds later I heard noisy footsteps on the stairs and the slam of a door. For the first couple of days I worried about them in a room together, as Mr Byrne said they were both testosterone filled teenagers and I dreaded to think what could happen if I left them alone. Now I just think what happens will happen, and while I'm still not exactly best friends with the idea of Josh with another man in _that_ way I have to respect my son and his wishes. Besides, He and Nate obviously care for each other, it'll happen sooner or later…

Xxx

Josh's P.O.V – a couple of hours later

Nate was sitting on my bed, his tie loosened around his neck and his face screwed up in concentration, his fingers flying expectedly across the controller as his little avatar ran across the pitch on screen. Dad had just left for drinks with Mr Byrne.

"Nate?" I asked tentatively, unsure about broaching this subject

"Hmmm" he said, engrossed in his game

"Did you mean what you said earlier" He paused the game, slowly turning around to face me "About…." I trailed off, suddenly feeling awkward

Nate smiled softly at me "Yeah"

"Well I've been thinking" I started, hesitantly walking nearer to him.

"Oh yeah?" Nate said, slightly seductively as he put down the controller and got up, meeting me in the centre of the room. I felt his breath tickle my cheek gently, adding to the moment.

"I think I'm ready"

He smiled again, this time I saw the mixture of happiness and excitement in his eyes. "If you're sure"

I nodded gently, leaning in and kissing him properly; not a peck on the cheek, not a brief encounter of lips, not a shot battle of tongues but a slow and passionate kiss, one that spoke our commitment and love, one that stirred emotions deep inside me that I didn't even know existed. Slowly we backed up towards the bed and I felt Nate reach inside his pocket and withdraw a small black package; a condom.

Together we fell back against the bed, entrapped in our own little bubble of time.

Xxx The next morning xxX

Tom's P.O.V

My head throbbed so badly, I knew I shouldn't have had that extra pint. Now I was paying the price, 10am and I still felt like crap. It felt like being a teenager all over again, speaking of teenagers, I still hadn't heard anything from Josh or Nate.

I suddenly felt another wave of sickness wash over me and I ran upstairs and dashed into the bathroom, only just making it in time. After I was finished I went past the boy's room, Josh needed to take his medication, he couldn't afford to miss it. I gently opened the door and quietly entered the room, almost tripping over an abandoned tie.

Looking around in the dimly lit room I saw the state of the room and immediately knew what had been going on last night. Clothes were strewn all around the room, Josh's cardigan was hanging off the end of the bed and Nate's trousers were wrapped around the bottom of the chair. The mattress on the floor was empty and lying discarded on the top of Nate's duvet was a rather familiar looking black packet, ripped open and empty…oh well, at least they were safe. In the centre of the room on Josh's single bed they were both sleeping, curled up into each other. Nate's head was resting against Josh's milky white chest and Josh had his head leaning against the top of Nate's hair with their arms wrapped around each other. They looked so young and defenceless asleep, it reminded me that whatever bravado they put on, they are still children. They looked so sweet and peaceful together that I didn't want to wake them yet I knew I must.

I battled my way through the sea of underwear and socks to the side of the bed with Josh asleep there. I gently nudged him awake, feeling a weird sort of peacefulness watching him sleeping. I was getting soft in my old age…

He grunted slightly and stretched out before curling deeper into Nate's body.

"Josh, wake up son"

He opened one eye and looked at me, momentarily disorientated.

"Dad?"

I placed the pills next to his head, alongside a glass of water on the table beside his bed. "You have to take these Josh"

He propped himself up slightly and took a sip of water, still hazy in sleep and swallowed the tablets.

"Good lad"

Nate stirred slightly and I noticed that the duvet wasn't covering certain_ parts_ of him, I turned around quickly and tried to regain normal thinking patterns, pushing the disgust away. I said a hasty goodbye and left the room, shutting the door firmly behind me.

XxxX

Josh's P.O.V

I liked the feeling of someone so close to me, the feeling of arms wrapped around my waist and a head on my chest. I liked the feeling of Nate's heartbeat alongside mine.

I stared over at the door and tried to figure out why my dad just left the room so quickly. He didn't even say anything abut me and Nate being in the same bed. I looked over at Nate and let out a snigger; I could see exactly why dad had fled the room… I pulled the duvet over us both and tuned to face him.

"Morning" He mumbled sleepily, opening his eyes slowly

"Morning" I said, smiling at him "Last night was great" I said after a bit, we were both content to just look at each other.

"It was amazing" Nate confirmed eagerly "_You_ were amazing"

I blushed slightly as I kissed him gently, feeling a whole new connection form between us after last nights breathtaking events.

**Bit of a steamy filler chapter! Hehe! **

**I like reviews, they make me smile! **

**Thank you all you lovely readers for being so patient with me!**

**ELLIE-THE-BEST-TWIN! **


	7. I'm Scared

**So here it is, another chapter and everybody's having fun, look to the future now, it's better than chapter oooooneee…..**

**Yes I am singing a modified Christmas song in my head, and no I don't care. I'm that cool :)**

**Enjoy!**

"Hand me the cereal" I said, holding my hand out to Nate. Dad came hurrying down the stairs shirtless.

"Have you seen my shirt?"

I looked at Nate, he was smiling at the sight of dad rushing around; he was still getting used to the difference between dad at home and dad at work. After all, it had been a good couple of years since we had last gone out.

"On top of the draws in the spare room" I told him, I had seen it last night whilst printing off schoolwork.

"How did it get up there?" dad muttered on his way out of the room "Do you two need a lift?"

"Nah, we're cool walking" Nate shouted his hand brushing mine as he reached over for his tie. Tomorrow was the day his brother died, even though it had been a while it was still hard for him, wounds like that never heal. I saw that when Sam died, Finn was a mess for months. We both had a free period this morning and I was thinking I might see if I could get him to open up; he needs to talk about things.

"We better be going" I said, I seem to be much more conscious of times and so much more anxious about everything. I hope the medication sorts everything out, I don't know how long I can bear feeling like this. The voices had stopped for now; the medication took them away, offering me some degree of relief.

Xxx

"Do you remember the first day I came back?" Nate said suddenly "You never told me what happened with the drugs. Not properly"

He looked at me with a careful expression, surveying me. I subconsciously squeezed his hand which was held in mine, I could feel the anxiety soar at the mere memory of the drugs. I was still experiencing the withdrawal process and I wasn't pleasant.

"Not now Nate" I pleaded, speeding up "I can't talk about it."

Nate stared at me for another second or so, deciding whether to push the subject before sighing and giving in. "But promise me you'll tell me one day josh, please?"

"I'll try" I wasn't going to promise him anything, I don't know if I can tell him. I don't know if I can stand the fact that while he was sleeping rough trying to find me, I had fallen apart and I let myself become dependent on drugs. My life had flown off the rails big time. I don't know if I'll ever get back on the right road, I'll take it one step at a time, take it slow.

"Alright mate?" I felt a hand slap down on my shoulder a split second before I heard him

"Hey Finn"

"You okay now mate?" He asked seriously, his eyes furrowing slightly in worry

"Yeah, I'm cool" I said as we stood outside the classroom, waiting to go in "Where's Trudi?"

Finn grinned at the mention of her name, I imagine it's a similar look to the one I give at the mention of Nate. "She's going to spend the morning doing a hotel management course, she's been wanting this for ages"

"That's well good"

"I know" I swear Finn said that a little smugly "Mate, where were you on saturday? I rang you loads but you didn't answer"

I turned to look at Nate and I could feel myself blushing as I remembered our steamy night. I knew I was smiling like a lunatic but I don't care, it was amazing. Nate was amazing.

"You didn't?!" Finn laughed "Aw mate, get in there"

His reaction was a far cry to the one he had all those years ago when I kissed him, for the first year he was awkward around the subject of me being gay but then he got used to it, just like dad.

Nate leant in and kissed me, lost in the moment, our hands still entwined. His lips were salty and I could still taste the orange juice from this morning. It was kinda nice really.

"In you go" My dad's voice broke through the haze that was starting to cloud my thoughts, but this time it wasn't drugs, it was Nate. We kept our lips together for a couple of seconds more, aware that the entire class was looking at us through the window, but then we broke off. Smiling at dad's slightly awkward expression we entered the classroom and took our seats.

Xxx Later on xxX

"So, put your school ties on as blindfolds. We're going to develop your typing skills" Miss Boston ordered in her usual military fashion.

I leant over and undid Nate's tie, placing it over his eyes and securing it around his head. He grinned and blindly tried to do the same to me, poking me in the eye in the process.

"I'll do it" I said, pushing his hands onto his keyboard. I untied my tie and tied it over my eyes, watching the world turn black.

"Now" I hear Miss Boston's voice clearly "Place your fingers over the middle row of keys and begin to type"

I started to type, but then the anxiety started. My heartbeat started to rise and I felt trapped, the feeling of anxiety suffocating me slowly. I knew I needed to get out, to see again. My head felt odd, like it was spinning and I felt lightheaded.

I stood up suddenly, ripping my tie from my head and wincing as the light hit my eyes

_Run, get out of here. _

_Go, It's Nikki, she wants to hurt you. She lies to you, all the time. _

_Run, go!_

One by one the voices start returning, instinctively I brought my hand to my head and clutched it gently. I didn't know what to do, the conflicting emotions inside me were getting me confused and the more confused I got, the more anxious I got.

"Josh?" Miss Boston asked, her forehead wrinkled in worry and confusion as she came towards me.

"No!" I said, flinging my arm out and pushing her away, not noticing the rest of the people in the common room looking at me strangely. "Get away from me!"

"Okay!" she said, backing off and holding her hands up slightly.

I suddenly became aware of Nate's hand on my arm

"Did you take your pills today Josh?" he said in a hushed whisper

I somehow manage to shake my head, but the fear of taking them suddenly grips me.

_Don't take them, they're poison_

_You don't need them, they just want to hurt you. Trust me, I've heard them whispering, talking about you behind your back. They think you're crazy…_

I ran from the room, not stopping until I reached the bathroom. Throwing open the door I didn't even stop to check if it was empty. I took the little white box from my pocket and took two tablets from it, popping them into my mouth and shoving my head under the tap, gulping them down with water. I splashed water over my face too, in an effort to get my head under control. Hearing the toilet flush behind me, I hastily exit the room and go out into the corridor. I remembered that dad had a free period now and so his classroom wouldn't be in use, dad's room was a place where I could go to get my head back under control without fear of being disturbed.

By the time I have made the decision to go, I find myself already outside the door to the empty classroom with my hand on the handle.

Once I was inside the cool, silent classroom I could feel my thoughts slowly getting back to normal as the tablets began to work, slowly the voices got quieter. I sat on the floor out of view, leaning against the wall and brought my knees up to my chest and running my fingers through my hair. I can't believe how much of a mess my life has become, how could it be that a mere year ago I had been happy and normal? What had happened? How did I let my life get so bad? My throat began to close up slightly as I felt raw emotions rip through me, just the thought of living the rest of my life like this made me feel so hopeless, so filled with dread that all I want to do is curl up and cry. How could things get so bad so quickly? My thoughts feel hazy all the time, even the medication can't clear it up. The only thing holding me down to reality was Nate, he made everything feel better. I longed for the security of my dad, I wanted him to be here. It was like being a little kid all over again, craving the comfort of your mother. But I don't have a mother any more, she broke off all contact with me last year when she met her new man.

The tears stared to fall, hot angry, sorrowful tears. Tears that held so many emotions in each drop, and once they'd started I couldn't stop them. My whole body wracked with silent sobs, each one a cry for help, help from this trapped world I lived in.

The door to the room swung open, and I didn't notice until it was too late.

"Josh?" dad said in shock as he took in my pitiful position on the floor "josh, what's wrong mate?"

I shook my head as a sob escaped from my lips the tears falling freely now "I don't know" I managed to choke out

Dad lowered himself and sat next to me on the ground, he lifted up his arm and placed it around my shoulders, pulling me towards him.

"I don't know anything anymore" I cried into the comfort of his chest "What's happening to me?"

Dad looked down at me with a heartbroken expression "I didn't tell you everything josh, I stayed behind to talk to your doctor" He paused as if he were finding the right words "He said it's schizophrenia. I didn't tell you before because I didn't know how to tell you. How could I? You and Nate were so happy, I never knew it was this bad though"

I looked at him, my world freezing before seemingly crashing down around me; schizophrenia, that was another word for crazy wasn't it? Schizophrenics were crazy people who were in mental hospitals, not teenage boys. Then the fear set in, I felt cold all over. Dad squeezed my shoulders harder, pulling me into him even more.

"I'm scared dad"

"I know son"

Xxx That evening xxX

"Schizophrenia?" he repeated in shock

I tapped my foot up and down fast against the floor, hiding my nerves and trying to gain a small amount of composure back.

I can't believe that this could happen to me, I mean, you hear about other kids getting ill with things like depression and bipolar disorder, but I'd barley ever heard of schizophrenia. People with schizophrenia are crazy…phsyco's…

"Yeah" I mumbled, letting out a small laugh at the whole situation. Not that it is anything to laugh about

"Oh josh" he said, his mask of shock changing into one of sympathy and care. He rose from the sofa and perched on the arm of the armchair in which I was sitting. He reached over and put his arm around me, and as soon as his soft skin touched my arm I felt my composure slipping. "I'm so sorry"

He tucked my head under his chin and buried his face in my curly hair

"Nate, I can't handle this" I whispered softly, grasping onto his hand as if it were the only thing anchoring me to the world. "I'm crazy"

"No you're not" He protested "Don't you ever think that!"

My whole world had come crashing down all around me; my dad thinks I'm crazy, my friends think I'm a druggie, and my boyfriend probably wants to run away screaming. I would if I could.

"You can go if you want" a tear slipped out of my eye as I felt the last of my resolve disappearing.

"I'm not leaving you josh, I'm never leaving you again" he said passionately. "I left you once without any choice in the matter, I'm never letting that happen again, do you hear me?" I smile in relief; Nate was my constant now, the only person I can trust to look at me and see josh, not this schizophrenic stranger that invaded my body and filled my ears with voices.

"You can't possibly tell me that this isn't a shock to you" I said rationally, it had been a shock to me too. "I understand if it's changed your opinion on me"

"Nothing could ever change my opinion on you Josh, you should know that by know" He protested, bringing my head round to look at his handsome face.

"I know I'm just being silly" I said, stroking his jawline in utter amazement; he was so perfect. "But I love you Nate, I couldn't stand to be apart from you"

Nate smiled and kissed me quickly

"I love you too" He replied, before sliding down off the arm of the chair and onto my knee, kissing me passionately.

All I could think about was him, nothing else mattered for now.

**Hope you enjoyed it! :) My twin Sophie thinks she could do a better job than me, but I don't think so! We all know I'm the best!**

**Ellie x**


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